Vowels In My Speech, 2001

A body bends in time.
Its figure contracts with impulses that seem
to outlast its physical face
I feel deformed by this
an infinite sadness wells inside
and I disintegrate into the well as dust
ashes scar my once solid face
which lie scattered on the mirrored floor.
a white dove passes by this place
its wings soar and flutter in flight
creating a breeze that scatters my remains
finding solid comfort in fragmentation.
A piece of me goes with every you.

Who is to end up like a frail corpse for the earth.
what comfort is designated in life’s design
i want to devour the skin that once held my being
in pure reverie.
now lives desolate to the caves of this place I inhabit.
salt covers the floor, dried from tearing.
my body bleeding, my body scarred
these relics of a forgotten white.
a wall alludes to structure where there is only to
be construction.
Everything bends under weight
will I break

brief moment of apocalyptic awakening
weak wreck that I am
I could not confront my demons tonight
a man looked at my eyes towards insecurity.
unknown distancing from the depths
of myself

a man was looking at me today while I perused the magazines at barnes and nobles. I tried to avert his gaze which stared me down to the depths of my soul. He scared me, followed me. Our eyes met once, and I looked away. Afraid. Now im reflecting on this sentiment, scared of my own being – more confused than ever. How could I love anyone – how could I want someone. I need space to occupy and envelop me, to drown this misery I feel and awaken me. Yes, that is what he did – awakened me to the prospects of leaving this hovel I drown in, and yet awakened me towards my own sexuality I am too afraid and embarrassed to confront. Why did he look at me, why did he let these emotions ensue me. I left the store only to come back and find him missing. I don’t wonder what would have, could have happened. I was too nervous and scared to emit any vowels in my speech. How can people ever get over their fears – how can I control these hidden passions – insecurities which I possess and repress. Sentiments please. Frailty ever more apparent in discourse of the physical inhabitants. I hope to sleep well tonight.

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